The unbearability of it all

Its shit. Deep Shit. Fucked up shit. The Human condition Is fucked up, wrought with destruction, jealousy , ignobility, death, misery, discomfort, disappointment, lack of trust, death, and more death. How can anybody see any hope in this hopeless hapless wonder of shit. I have no clue.

I am writhing in pain. Pain of not knowing, of not getting respect I deserve, and of being treated like a fool. I hate it. My grandma, is going to die. I cannot fathom the pain and terror that overtakes me when the thought of that comes about. It then all boils down to tales of terror and death that are so familiar in war zones. Then trying to make all of it worthit by being a a valuable member of society, and then not being able to tell a head apart, and not being able to fathom genocide. Not being able to understand why this war of brains and the things we make up out of it, of agency, of control of the fact that we lack a basic sense of decency as to not harm or wish ill upon one another.